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Couples Therapy, Session 5, Michele Weiner-Davis: Comment Board


michele_weiner_davisThank you for attending the final session of Couples Therapy: Today and Tomorrow. We hope you’ll come away from this course with relevant skills you can apply to your practice and a better understanding of couples work.

Today’s session with Michele Weiner-Davis, a leading expert on divorce, will cover methods for helping couples heal from infidelity, how much to encourage disclosure of details of the affair, and how to deal with intense emotions.

What struck you most about this session, and what was most interesting to you from the whole course? Please comment below about what was most important, relevant, and thought-provoking to you.

Thank you all for your participation in this series and for taking the time to share your comments.

03.07.2011   Posted In: P003 Couples Therapy: Today and Tomorrow   By Rich Simon
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  • 0 avatar Carlton Brown 03.10.2011 07:13
    Refreshing, candid, honest, helpful. I love that you said this wasn't evidence-based but hunch-based. It adds to things that I do that work and helps to keep me focused on solutions. Thank you.
  • 0 avatar Karin Watling 03.10.2011 07:14
    Thank you Michele, your approach seems very honouring to both partners and I like how you go about normalizing their feelings and expereinces.
    Karin from Ontario
  • 0 avatar David Brown 03.10.2011 07:16
    I highly recommend the three day intensive training with Michelle in Boulder. I've used the techniques and approaches regularly with the couples I see. Great to review key points in the webinar. David in Michigan
  • 0 avatar susan eisenberg 03.10.2011 07:33
    I have attended several Networker Conferences presented by Michelle. As a Marital and Family Therapist for 30 years, I have treated many couples dealing with infidelity in their marriage. I must say that using Michelle's technique in the last several years has contributed to a high success rate in helping couples survive the infidelity and improve the intimacy and commitment in their relationship.
  • 0 avatar Dale Pavich 03.10.2011 07:50
    Thanks you, Michele and Rich, for the the nicely paced discussion of the do's and don'ts in managing some of the issues involved with marital affairs. I would have liked to hear more case vignettes that illustrate Michele's "hunch-based" approach to supporting couples and their healing process. Perhaps the time is too limited for this. A video sequence can sometimes illustrate nicely as well, as with the movie clip from one of the earlier Webinar presenters. The cartoon added a nice perspective, along with the references to cultural differences. Perhaps a few bars about the "Fifty Ways" would have been too much for the hyper-moral temperament of some of the audience, but I always enjoy those moments of levity, especially with this sort of topic. On the other hand, there's an audio clip of Tammy Wynette's song "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" would set a rather captivating/serious introductory tone... hmmm
    Dale Pavich, Santa Barbara, California
  • Not available avatar 03.10.2011 10:18
    Michelle's presentation was helpful in that she has had the courage and fortitude to develop an approach that really helps couples stay together after the affair event. I will use the tasks as guidelines in working with such couples. I appreciate too the acknowledgment of the necessity of individual work with these couples.
    Susan Philo, Ed. M., Kodiak
  • 0 avatar Florence Calhoun 03.10.2011 11:05
    I enjoyed Michelle's presentation. The material was clear and can be easily referred to when needed. I have a question about affairs of a different kind. I have recently worked with couples whe have engaged in "cyber-affairs" through the social networks sites and also through text messaging. What is your thinking on these kinds of affairs. Would you use the same approach or something different? Rich, thank you for the opportunity to learn from the experts about their style of working with couples. This was my first webinar series and I can't wait to participate in upcoming ones. Florence Calhoun, Los Angeles, CA.
  • 0 avatar Darlene Taylor 03.10.2011 11:35
    Michele's presentation concludes a really fine group of presentations on couples' counseling which I have found interesting and practical. Thanks to all of the presenters and to Rich Simon and Psychotherapy Networker.
  • Not available avatar 03.11.2011 04:18
    I liked the clarity of Michele's approach---her identifying and separating the tasks for the betrayed spouse and the tasks for the unfaithful spouse. I found it refreshing and validating to hear from a therapist who is committed to helping couples find ways to stay in the marriage. It's good to learn a road map to implement these goals and values. Thank you. (This is the only one in the series I was able to attend.)
  • 0 avatar Patricia Hollister 03.11.2011 04:44
    Michele shows us--from her long-term experienc--that nothing is absolute.
    I came to appreciate that the "rules and regulations" we less-experienced with divorce therapists have, are largely for OUR OWN comfort. By sharing her own evolution, she led us to a more reasonable conclusion, namely that one size doesn't fit all.... In doing so, she led me to a calmer, less rigid attitude, allowing for more options in recovering from the pain of betrayal.
    Excellent ideas!
    Technical comment: when I tried to enlarge the screen, I got a blank page. (When I pressed "escape" I got back to the original small screen).
    Overall comment: This is a very useful seminar. Convenient, interactive, provides a chance for us to interact...all the while saving money, time and energy. (I never thought the computer could do so much (dare I say even more?) than attending an actual live presentation. I think I'm becoming a believer in webinars. Thanks for a well-designed/presented program.
    Patty Hollister, Las Cruces, NM
    • Not available avatar 03.11.2011 08:56
      Could not agree more about the benefits of a flexible yet structured approach to dealing with the crisis of infidelity. Michelle's "hunches" strike me as representing real "practice wisdom" gained over years of clinical work. I believe that providing a holding environment where couples feel safe enough to work through the pain, anger and despair of infidelity is crucial, along with normalizing their reaction to an extremely challenging interpersonal/intrapsychic crisis. It is very challenging work for both couples and therapists. Michelle's approach is both pragmatic and refreshingly free of therapeutic bells & whistles.
  • 0 avatar chris cable 03.17.2011 10:26
    Michele's point about healing not being a straight line and sometimes feeling like we're back to square one is the same I use in grief counseling. I describe the journey as a tornado which hurts less as time and healing take us further from the center; however, we're sometimes sucked back because of a memory or incidence and it hurts just as much. Happily, though, it doesn't take as long to recover - just accept that it is and it will pass. The betrayed partner is grieving the death of her dream marriage, just as Michele and Rich talked about remarrying our spouse who's changed from when he was 25.
    Chris Cable, Annapolis MD
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